A whinge

I am seriously displeased with my defunct husband. He is adversely affecting my trip. For those of you non-Italian speakers, the Italian for ‘my late husband’ is ‘mio defunto marito’ . I usually try and remember the Italian after thinking of an English word with the same root. Hence defunct John. He would smile at me thinking of him as ‘defunct’ – but he is not here for me to see him smile. I seem incapable of going into a church without thinking of him with great sadness – more than the last 12 months or so. I’ve tried every positive thinking trick I can think of - ‘He’s here with me in spirit’ - so what his body is not here, I have to eat and sleep on my own. Or ‘he’d be really pleased I am here’ – another so what – John would accept whatever I decide to do. Or ‘Isn’t it great I have enough oomph and money to be here” – another ‘so what’.
I'm fine if I'm not in a church.

I can think of 2 options – skip churches from now on, or make an opportunity some time during the next week while I am with people to go into a church with a relative I am comfortable with. I’ll see.

This is not one of the things that, before I left, I thought could go wrong – OK , I can hear you, K, not ‘wrong’ just different.